Office Bandit’s Wife

I’m well aware that Bandit has broken his promise to forgo his life of crime after we got married. And you know what? I’m totally fine with it. At least he’s doing something to help people this time. The local news has reported that with all these Melbourne office break ins, nothing has been stolen or damaged. Yes, Bandit is technically breaking and entering (without the breaking, so I guess it’s trespassing), but as far as I’m concerned it’s a victimless crime. I mean, have you seen the offices he’s designing? They look fantastic.

No doubt the employees of the various businesses that Bandit is “attacking” really appreciate the change of appearance. The news wants to paint him as this villain who is breaking the law and needs to be stopped, but Bandit is just a true Melbourne office design guru. He could be out there smashing glass, but he’s channelled his destructive nature into something positive. I’m actually really proud.

And yes, I know that he thinks I don’t know about this. For some reason, he honestly believes that I don’t read his blog posts (I know for a fact that he doesn’t read mine because I haven’t told him about it), and it does make me a little sad that he feels he needs to go behind my back with this. I just hope the next time he makes a special office space design in the Melbourne area, he feels comfortable telling me about it. He’s always said he wanted to make an office with a space theme, so I would like to be somewhat involved if he’ll let me be.

We’re together forever now, so I do wish he’d trust me a bit more. I understand though. He’s afraid that I’ll be angry, that I’ll think he’s slipped back into a life of crime. I can’t be angry with him, though. Not after everything we have been through together. Not only are we a married couple, but we’re also survivors of Next Top Office season two, and that’s something that keeps people bound for all eternity.– Frankie

Adoring Roses

Emily, you tanned beautiful rose lover you. My dear Emily was a few years older than me and that really made all the difference. In my eyes, she was on the highest pedestal and could do no wrong. I met her on a foreign island and she danced among the coconuts as if they were clouds and sipped the local rum as if it was nectar. She took a shine to me instantly and in many ways made me her protégé. I stood out amongst all of her minions as a clear favourite. I had of course interpreted this as romantic so I bought her the most beautiful climbing roses I could find on the island and left it on her pillow with a note expressing my admiration and lust for her. Emily did not feel the same. I was crushed. It was as if she had swooped from the pedestal and stabbed me with fiery daggers.

I couldn’t recover. Of course, she was completely angelic about the whole thing and apologised incessantly for giving me the wrong impression. Oh Emily, why didn’t you let me hate you. She said it was the finest hybrid tea roses she had ever seen. Turns out she loves roses but had been unable to find them on the island. I showed her where I bought them from online and said I would happily pick some up for her.  I would gladly give her all the roses on the entire island for just one kiss. She politely and perfectly said she wouldn’t want to give me a kiss and exacerbate my feelings because she knows she will never feel the same. God the pain, the pain was tangible. She told me her heart belonged to someone else. Someone else that she is currently engaged to. She said it would be unfair of her to pretend that she had the space to love someone else because she knows that no amount of roses would change her feelings.

New Energy Drink

Would you believe me if I told you there was a great new energy drink on the market today? I know how crazy you people go for a new drink that will give you the energy you need to get through the day, so why not go with the best of the best: Solar Solutions. 

It might sound made up, but I can assure you that Solar Solutions is a very real, very good energy drink. My name is Todd Margey, the head spokesperson and marketing specialist for Commercial Solar Solutions. My expertise in this area of business means you can absolutely trust me when it comes to energy drinks. I’m telling you, Solar Solutions is the best. I can’t stop drinking the stuff. I’ve already had ten cans today, available at only $3 each. With $30 you could buy yourself a nice meal out on the town, or you could buy ten cans of Solar Solutions and have all the energy you need to do whatever you want.

Do you want to write a book? Do you want to run a marathon? Anything is possible after drinking Solar Solutions. Disclaimer: not everything is possible. If you want to pick up the moon and bowl it across the solar system, Solar Solutions won’t help you do that.

Addicted to your new favourite energy drink? Just stop by one of our stations for commercial energy monitoring near Melbourne, or any other city for that matter. They’ll run a quick test and recommend how many Solar Solutions you should be drinking (pro tip: it’s almost always more). 

Just trust me, you’re going to love this stuff. You’ll be hooked from the first sip. This stuff is so great that we just got a massive order from North Korea. They love Solar Solutions over there. The delivery address is their nuclear weapons program, so their top scientists must go crazy for this stuff.

Solar Advice

Okay, so you want to learn the basics of solar energy? You’ve come to the right place. As usual, we make absolutely no promises regarding the accuracy of these statements, so take it as you will. Having said that, our advice is definitely worth listening to as long as you are willing to forgo all legal right to blame us for any harm that comes upon you, including but not limited to broken bones, electrocution, burns, contraction of disease, loss of money and death.

So, you want to know about solar energy. If that’s the case, then we have the commercial solar solutions for you. We don’t sell them, of course, but we can tell you all about them. You see, the key to solar energy is knowing that the solution to every problem is going green and doing your part for the environment. That’s why we would encourage you to either buy a private or commercial solar system or alternatively you could make your own. If you do this, all of your dreams will come true. That’s right, all of them. Because when you do your part for the world, the world rewards you. I know a man who installed a solar system and the next day got his novel published. It was quite extraordinary.

Anyway, so now that you have your solar system, do you need to get commercial energy monitoring for the Melbourne area? The law says no, but we say yes. This is very important because through energy monitoring you can monitor an amount of energy. Makes sense, right? We definitely know what we’re talking about so you should probably blindly follow our advice (again, as long as you forgo all legal rights to the harm you might come across). We are not professional solar people, but we know the basics of all trades and skills.

This has been your crash course on solar energy. We hope you enjoyed it and learned a lot. Come back next week for a post on the basics of electrical wiring!

Making Rosebud a termite free zone

termite inspections RosebudIt was absolutely perfect. A gift from above. My name is Rose. My partner and I had planned to get married in Rosebud. The wedding has a rose theme with roses lining the aisle and even hanging from the chandeliers. Then just as it all seemed too good to be true, it was. A call from the venue and it all came crashing down. They had discovered a termite infestation. The ceiling was apparently completely infested with white ants and a report from a pest control company in Rosebud showed the damage was fairly extensive and needed immediate attention. I broke down. I tried arguing with the venue and saying let’s just pretend you didn’t have an inspection until after the wedding. Ignorance is bliss. They said they could not knowingly go ahead. My rosebud dreams were shattered. I just had to get married in Rosebud. I set my soon-to-be husband the task of finding us an alternative wedding location in the same area.  

He came up with two suggestions. One was way too small and the other was grossly overpriced. I wanted the perfect wedding but didn’t want to be bankrupt after it. So there was only one thing left to do. I got hold of the pest control experts in Rosebud and explained my story. I asked if they could do something to solve the problem before my wedding date. They were incredibly understanding and said they could get the termite treatment done to fit around the wedding date. I have never been so invested in termites before. I went to the venue multiple times to meet the pest control team and a week before the wedding they said it was looking extremely positive. A day later I got full confirmation the wedding could go ahead! I was so happy that everything worked out despite the setbacks. I was so overjoyed that I ended up inviting the entire pest control team to the wedding.

How to Prepare For Your Kids Party on Ice

childrens party venue MelbourneDeciding on kids birthday party venues is no minor undertaking, especially when it’s somewhere as new and exciting as an ice skating rink. With all the factors  to take into consideration, you could easily find your hands full and your hair falling out. Thankfully, things don’t have to be this way. With the right planning, your child’s birthday can be a safe and memorable experience for everyone involved. Here are four ways you can prepare for that  special day.

Dress warm

It’s no surprise that at an ice skating rink you’re going to find ice. Not only that but they’ve got the air-conditioners running to keep that ice from melting. The room is typically kept at about 16°C, which is rather chilly, even when you are zooming around on skates. Before the party, be sure to tell your guests to bring warm clothes like beanies, gloves and warm thick socks. Put a note on the invitations about clothing or have a word with parents when they RSVP.

 

Organise activities

Once your party guests get the hang of ice skating, they’re going to be whizzing around without any rhyme or reason. While this can be a lot of fun for the little ones, it can also get a bit chaotic, leading to accidents and anarchy. Structure your event with the addition of planned activities throughout the day. These can include obstacle courses, dance routines or even a bit of ice hockey. Activities will ensure your group of kids have fun and most of all stay safe and under the guidance of a supervisor. Ask your venue about ideas and props to use.

 

Get a party Planner

While you may like to organise the party yourself, there’s always the option of getting the venue to plan the party for you. Kids party venues are expert at organising events so they know exactly what to consider and when. They can prepare delicious healthy meals while taking those worrisome dietary requirements into consideration, and they can even give your guests an introductory lesson at the start of the day. Ice skating around Melbourne needn’t be a stressful experience – these professionals can see to a day that is fun and memorable for all.

The Limo Versus Walking Dilemma

I take excellent care of myself. Anyone with half a working cranium does, after all; if you don’t trim those nails, brush those teeth and do your stretched before strenuous activity, you’re heading for a fall, and you have only yourself to blame. I mean, that’s all very obvious, ha! I try to walk most places, and sometimes I’ll get off the bus or park my car far away, so that I get my maximum walking in.

If for some reason I ever became rich, I hope I’d continue that tradition, because we all have the same, human forms, and they need a bit of exercise, right? Of course, I would have Melbourne’s best limo hire services at my beck and call, every day, transporting me to where I go. A girl can dream, after all, and yet I’d still try to uphold my devotion to health and fitness. I’d tell my limo driver to politely pull over, somewhere nice and free from mud, and then get out. Hopefully the paparazzi would get a good shot of me walking to my destination, proving that I’m down-to-earth and relatable. Boom, instant positive publicity. Cardiovascular fitness AND a positive approval rating, in one easy move. See, it’s simple, playing the system. You just have to give it a bit of thought.

Anyway, it’s all fanciful thinking. I quite like the idea of a limo, because there’s room in the back for all sorts of activities. Origami, spreading out my books, even a little bit of calligraphy, provided I tell the driver to take things slow. Oh, the things you could get up to! Not that I’m planning on it. Being rich is a social construct anyway. Then again, it’s not like limo hire is rare or magical. Why, Melbourne companies offer wedding limo hire packages, so that could be my chance to test out the space. I just need a good man who’ll propose…

-Andrea

Stop procrastinating, call the pest controllers!

pest inspectors DandenongI admit I was shocked when my grandfather told me he had found signs of a termite infestation. I hadn’t even thought about that sort of thing since I bought this house a year ago. Now that I think about it, I didn’t even have a pest inspection or control spray done when I first moved in. I was definitely well overdue for a termite inspection, Dandenong was a suburb with a lot of trees after all.

It’s probably good that my grandfather found the wood pests. My stress level went up quite a bit thinking about the termites slowly eating away at my house.

Things were a bit tight coming up to Christmas. I didn’t really want to spend the money, but that was why I didn’t get it done when I first moved in, and look how far that got me. For once I decided to do the logical thing and call a professional about pest inspections. I knew If I kept putting it off, by this time next year I’ll probably be in need of an entirely new house.

I was surprised to hear a woman answer the phone at pest control company but I wasn’t sure why. There’s the good old gender bias sneaking through, but nevertheless I was polite. The woman on the phone was able to tell me a lot about pest inspections conducted in Dandenong. which was great. As I’d never had one done before I didn’t exactly understand the process or know what I should do in preparation. I booked the inspection for the following week, I figured my house wouldn’t fall down in that short time.

I hung up the phone feeling good that I’d accomplished something. I was spending money on something that I did not want to be paying for, but it was the smart thing to do. Look at me, being a responsible adult and thinking of myself in the long run.

My grandfather would definitely be pleased to know that the termites will be taken care of and no longer a threat to the safety of my house. I’ll have to do something nice to thank him for finding the white ants before they destroyed my precious home.

What are dermal fillers?

When opting for dermal fillers in Melbourne, do choose a reputable clinic.
When opting for dermal fillers in Melbourne, do choose a reputable clinic.

Hollywood is not the only place to get dermal fillers, Melbourne is a second home to the cosmetic procedure which can take years off your face.

Also known as an injectable filler or cosmetic filler, a filler is an injection of a soft tissue into the face to fill in wrinkles, giving the appearance of youth.

Fillers are eventually absorbed by the body, so they are ideal for a relatively temporary lift to the face and are a less drastic alternative to surgery. The effect of a filler fades over about six months.

A dermal filler is received via injection, and as such it should be administered by a doctor. You can obtain either natural or synthetic fillers; for best results, a natural biological tissue is used. Fillers can be used not only for the skin, but also for filling out lips. You can also subtly change the shape of your face with strategic use of fillers.

Many people opt for a fat transfer. This kills two birds with one stone: fat is removed from an undesirable area, and transplanted under the skin. This is also a safe option, as there is no risk of an allergic reaction to your own tissue. Eventually, the fat is safely re-absorbed by the body.

If you are fearful of injections, worry not, as a local anaesthetic is generally used on the face for the procedure, which takes about half an hour. An alternative to the fat transfer is an implant under the skin, which is inserted using a small incision.

One final word of advice when seeking out dermal fillers in Melbourne– do take pains to choose a reputable clinic. No doubt you have heard horror stories of backyard cosmetologists injecting unsuitable materials into their unwitting patients. Put safety first and only go to a well-trained doctor with experience in injectable fillers.

What is a cosmetic peel?

cosmetic mask at spa salon
cosmetic mask at spa salon

Lately, it seems that everyone and their dog is getting a chemical peel, Melbourne being such an image-conscious city. Note, we were joking about the dog, we think it is cruel to subject your pet to beauty treatments. However, it is just as cruel to subject your pet to seeing your skin in such a poor state.

Perhaps you have seen people with skin looking like new and have wondered how you can get similar results. Or, maybe you have heard of chemical peels but are not sure what exactly a chemical peel entails. A chemical peel changes the appearance of your skin, minimising scars, wrinkles, uneven skin tone and sun damage. Today, we are going to inform you exactly what a chemical peel involves.

Firstly, not all chemical peels are the same. Different combinations of ingredients can be used for different skin conditions, or to achieve different results. We recommend discussing which peel is right for you with your cosmetic doctor.

A chemical peel may sounds scary, but it is essentially exfoliation. Perhaps you have exfoliated mechanically in the past, which involves rubbing your skin with a hard brush to remove dead skin cells. A chemical peel has this same effect, but achieves the result chemically, as the name would suggest. The old skin is lifted away, leaving a smooth and supple layer of skin underneath. Depending on the type of acid used, different peels penetrate to different extents.

When you go to get a chemical peel, the skin doctor will apply a solution to your face, much like a face mask that you may use at home. However, the more potent ingredients should never be attempted at home or by amateurs. After the time is up, a neutralising solution will be applied to the skin. Finally, the peel will be washed off.

If you are looking to get a facial peel in Melbourne, our best advice is to choose a reputable clinic in which you will be seen by a qualified doctor.