Monthly Archives: July 2021

podiatry

Disgusting Feet

For as long as I can remember, my mum has told me I have ugly feet. She made it my defining feature and when it was her responsibility to dress me, she made sure to only ever buy me closed shoes. Even in summer, I wasn’t allowed to wear thongs or sandals, let alone go barefoot in the ocean. I think I was the only kid at the beach who was wearing water shoes, and it embarrassed me enough that I still remember it to this day.

At some point during my teenage years, I developed a nail fungus condition. Cheltenham is a really beachy southeast suburb and I decided to disobey my mum one night and swim in the ocean without shoes on. Something went wrong and I picked up some sort of fungus on my toenails. I couldn’t tell my mum because I had a feeling she’d either cut my feet off, kick me out or ridicule me forever, so I had to visit a podiatrist in secret by myself. 

I felt ashamed of my feet at that point more than ever, and it devastated me that my already ugly feet had just become even more repulsive.  

Being a teenager at the time, I didn’t have my license and had to get a two-hour bus to visit a bulk billing podiatrist. I also couldn’t afford to pay for it with the money I made at my after school job, so it was just an all-around very stressful experience. Fortunately for me, the podiatrist was really nice and helped me realise that I had one of the most common foot conditions. In the Cheltenham area, I don’t think anyone else would have been that nice, and I remember feeling grateful that I had made the effort to go and see the podiatrist even though she was so far away. 

I spent the next couple of months fixing my fungal infection in secret. It was tough without support. 

Cars

Mechanics and Gorillas

I just saw the strangest thing… I’m not quite ready to talk about it, so let me tell you a little bit about my day up to the moment my life changed forever. As most people do, when I woke up I thought this would be a perfectly normal day. I thought nothing weird would happen at all. After getting ready for my normal day, I took my car around to an auto electrician in the Seaford area, seeking a fix up for my vehicle. Once that was done, I drove to work and did a regular day of things that I usually do at my job. Nothing out of the ordinary. After my work had been completed, I got in my car and decided to drive through the woods on my way home. That was where it happened. That was where my life changed. I will never forget what I saw there. What did I see? I saw a gorilla holding a bunch of coloured balloons.

What’s so weird about that? Well, that was just the beginning. I continued driving, deeper into the woods. After about ten minutes, I saw a strange tree, its branches all warped and spiralling upwards. I’d never seen anything like it. And you know what was on top of this tree? That same gorilla. That was when I started to think I was just imagining things. How could that gorilla be moving around the forest so quickly? Was there something in my car’s air conditioning that made me hallucinate? But I’d only bought it recently, and the guy I got it from said he’d been to the best mechanic for a roadworthy certificate Frankston had to offer. So, surely it couldn’t be that. Not to mention I’d just taken the vehicle to a mechanic that day. No, I wasn’t hallucinating. This gorilla was real.

So yeah, if you drive out to the woods, keep an eye out for a creepy gorilla with a bunch of balloons. He’s not dangerous or anything, but your life will never be the same once you’ve seen him.

Cars

CAR-PG Woes

I thought this Cars Go Vroom game was so amazing a few months ago, but it has really lost me now. I’m not sure if I’m getting bored with the game itself or this specific group and storyline. We finished our first car adventure a while ago and it was overall pretty good, but I think the Game Master may have run out of ideas now. Cars that are going on a spy thriller quest? That seems like a bit of a stretch. Not very realistic. And I know how funny that sounds, from somebody role-playing as a sentient car and all, but it has just gotten ridiculous. I think the worst part is that Motor is actually getting even more attention in this new adventure we’re on. He’s easily the worst character in the group, so why is the story revolving around him? Nobody asked for that.

I think I need to find a new group. I found this one at a mechanic in Hawthorn, so perhaps I should go to a workshop for car repairs in Glen Iris next time and see if anybody there plays Cars Go Vroom. If they do, I’ll definitely ask to join their group. I don’t think I can take much more of Motor in my role-playing games. Sometimes I just want to role-play punching him in the face. Instead, I spend most of the sessions on my phone. When the Game Master asks what I want to do, I tell him that I continue racing in my world tour. That usually buys me about an hour before I get asked again. 

I was talking to a guy online recently who said that there are lots of Cars Go Vroom players around my area, so I think my plan involving a mechanic close to Glen Iris is my best bet. If all else fails, maybe I’ll try Goblins and Grottos instead. I’ll whip up a homebrew race called the car folk and continue playing Lightning, my awesome character who says things like “wow” and “ka chow”. He’s super cool, so I wouldn’t want to role-play as any other kind of character.