I can’t believe we have finally made it here. Welcome to the final profile for That Renovation Rules, featuring the pretty regular magical wizard, Arthur Weasel. He’s certainly no Harold Scarface, but he is the father of Harold Scarface’s best friend, Ronaldo. Arthur is putting together one mighty fine bathroom renovation. Who knew he was one of the best bathroom designers Melbourne had to offer? I certainly didn’t! Arthur, why don’t you tell us a little bit about this bathroom you’re designing?

No worries, Matthew. I’ve always been really interested in regular human bathrooms since they are completely different to wizard bathrooms. See, there’s this rumour going around that wizards don’t actually need bathrooms because we can just magic all the dirt and grime away. This is a huge misconception. However, wizard bathrooms are very different from regular ones. I can’t tell you why, because I would be breaching the wizard’s first rule. I’m a regular human enthusiast. I’m super fascinated by all of the technological developments you non-magic people have come up with to get around not having any spells to cast. One of the most interesting, to me at least, is this modern-style bathroom with a bath, shower and sink. So, I thought I’d take it upon myself to find a business for bathroom renovations close to Melbourne and learn everything I could from them. Because of that little expedition, I think I’m ready to design a regular human bathroom myself. We’ll see how it goes!

I’m sure it is going to be a great bathroom. In fact, I’m sure it will be just magical. I can’t wait to see what it’s like when finished. Aren’t you excited, reader?

Well, we certainly have some great renovations being done right now, by five awesome contestants. Tune in next time to find out who looks likely to take home the chocolates! Personally, I’ve got my money on Remington Rat! 

What kind of renovation does the Lord of the Elves do? A laundry renovation, of course! Now, I have no idea when I structured that like a joke when there is nothing funny about it and it makes no sense. But anyway, today we’ll be introducing our fans to El-Rod, Lord of the Rivertown elves. For some reason, he has decided that being a lord is boring, so he wanted to join a renovation competition. Even though it makes little sense, we welcome him here with open arms. The world could certainly use more professional laundry designers of the elven kind! So, El-Rod, why have you decided to renovate a laundry? I’d expected you to do a kitchen since elves are always looking for ways to make their vegetarian meals more interesting!

Thanks for having me as a participant in this competition, Matthew. While it is true that elves make interesting vegetarian meals, and we are always looking for awesome new kitchens to cook in, good laundries are arguably even more important to the lives of my elven people. See, we elves like to stay nice and clean. Being dirty is the way of the dwarves, and we hate dwarves. They’re short and ugly and they don’t smell very nice. Elves, on the other hand, take showers every day and use the nicest smelling shampoo. Sorry, that’s a bit beside the point. Back on track, I was looking for a business offering laundry renovations in the Melbourne CBD, when I realised that I could just enter this competition and build one myself. When I’m done, I’ll have the cleanest clothing of all the elves I know.

Wow, it sounds like you have really thought this through. From what I can tell, you don’t have any professional (or even amateur) experience with this sort of thing, but that’s okay since none of our contestants do. I’m sure you’re going to do great. In fact, you might even win the whole thing! Good luck!