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Missed Buying Opportunity

The last time I spoke to you guys, I was talking about my control issues and how my husband wants to hire a buyer’s advocate to act on our behalf to help us when buying our first home. I understood where my husband was coming from and appreciated

 that he was trying to help me, but it was just too much for me at the time.

I needed baby steps, like letting my husband fill up our car with petrol instead of doing it myself or letting him choose the meal we serve to guests on a Saturday night. These types of things would’ve been hard for me in general, which goes to show just how hard letting a buyer’s advocate in Malvern East (or wherever we choose) take over the buying process. I just can’t fathom letting someone make such life-altering decisions on my behalf.

So, unfortunately, this isn’t a happy story about how my husband persevered and I decided that a buyer’s advocate would be a good idea. In fact, it’s actually a story about how upset I was that I didn’t end up listening to my husband. I understand pragmatically that I messed us up by not going with a buyer’s advocate. The proof is in the pudding. 

We found our dream home and it went to auction. I was there in control of what we did on auction day, and it turned ou

t that all my best efforts were useless. Despite how in control I was, and how sure I was of my decisions, I got beaten out for the property by a buyer’s advocate. Malvern, as it turns out, is our dream suburb to live in, and I messed it up and we won’t be living there any time soon.

I wish I was able to listen to my husband. I love him dearly and I do trust him, it’s just my own personal issues that get in the way.

Punching Balustrades

This is really bad. Really, seriously bad. I totally underestimated the power of Death-Jitsu. It wasn’t supposed to go like this, but I’m in big trouble now. All I wanted was to teach my friends what it was like to be punched all the time because I’m always losing at Punches, a game where we punch each other and the loser has to do some undesirable task. I went and trained under a master of Death-Jitsu, who taught me how to deliver an awesome punch of extreme power.

So what’s the problem? I just used that awesome, super-powered punch on a glass balustrade and accidentally broke it. And this wasn’t just any glass balustrade, but a glass balustrade that has been there for hundreds of years. It’s basically a relic.

Somehow, I don’t think there are any businesses for glass repair near Melbourne that can fix the mess I’ve made. They don’t even make this type of glass any more. My boss is totally going to notice, and then I’m super fired. I just wanted to be good at Punches like everyone else!

Maybe I can find some sort of martial art that helps you magically fix broken glass. If I can master that in a few hours, maybe I’ll be able to fix the stair balustrade, and then my boss won’t be able to tell me off or fire me.

Either way, I’ll have to be more careful with my Death-Jitsu moves. No more destroying random property. I’ll just walk up to my friends, challenge them to a game of Punches, destroy them, and then never use my martial arts moves again.

As for the balustrade, well I doubt I’m going to find a magical solution. I’ll just have to keep my boss away from it until enough time has passed that nobody can blame me for the damage. Yeah, that’s probably my best bet. Well, I’d better get started.

Office Designing Games

I can’t believe my boss has asked me to set up the chairs for our big party today. My friend and I always get stuck with the most boring, most mind-numbing tasks, because the office manager doesn’t trust us with the more exciting stuff. Why can’t we go pick up the cake or set up the decorations? But no, he’s just like “Okay, Michael and Riley, go set up the chairs or you’re fired!” Well, maybe I want to get fired. Maybe I don’t want this lousy job if all I get to do is set up the chairs.

So what, we got a commercial office design company near Melbourne to make our office look nice. Big deal. I could have done that in my sleep. All we needed was a fresh coat of paint on the walls. Alright, I’ll admit that the office does look pretty nice now, but do we really need to throw a party to celebrate? That seems a bit excessive if you ask me.

Obviously, Michael and I haven’t bothered to set up the chairs yet. What’s it going to take? Probably like five minutes. The party isn’t for a few more hours, so we’ve been slacking off by playing old arcade games we found in the company garage. Funnily enough, there’s one where you work to complete commercial office fitouts around Melbourne. I played that for about five minutes before getting bored. But then I found a game called Obliterator of Worlds, so obviously, I had to try that. It was out of order, but I managed to mess with the wires a bit and get it working. Michael is being a total buzzkill, suggesting that we set up the chairs before playing the game, but I’m not buying it. He wants to play this game just as much as I do.

What’s the worst that could happen? A sentient monster comes straight out of the game and tries to destroy our office? Seems unlikely. If Michael wants to get rid of the fun, maybe he should go back to playing Melbourne Office Designers 2.

Office Bandit’s Wife

I’m well aware that Bandit has broken his promise to forgo his life of crime after we got married. And you know what? I’m totally fine with it. At least he’s doing something to help people this time. The local news has reported that with all these Melbourne office break ins, nothing has been stolen or damaged. Yes, Bandit is technically breaking and entering (without the breaking, so I guess it’s trespassing), but as far as I’m concerned it’s a victimless crime. I mean, have you seen the offices he’s designing? They look fantastic.

No doubt the employees of the various businesses that Bandit is “attacking” really appreciate the change of appearance. The news wants to paint him as this villain who is breaking the law and needs to be stopped, but Bandit is just a true Melbourne office design guru. He could be out there smashing glass, but he’s channelled his destructive nature into something positive. I’m actually really proud.

And yes, I know that he thinks I don’t know about this. For some reason, he honestly believes that I don’t read his blog posts (I know for a fact that he doesn’t read mine because I haven’t told him about it), and it does make me a little sad that he feels he needs to go behind my back with this. I just hope the next time he makes a special office space design in the Melbourne area, he feels comfortable telling me about it. He’s always said he wanted to make an office with a space theme, so I would like to be somewhat involved if he’ll let me be.

We’re together forever now, so I do wish he’d trust me a bit more. I understand though. He’s afraid that I’ll be angry, that I’ll think he’s slipped back into a life of crime. I can’t be angry with him, though. Not after everything we have been through together. Not only are we a married couple, but we’re also survivors of Next Top Office season two, and that’s something that keeps people bound for all eternity.– Frankie

Adoring Roses

Emily, you tanned beautiful rose lover you. My dear Emily was a few years older than me and that really made all the difference. In my eyes, she was on the highest pedestal and could do no wrong. I met her on a foreign island and she danced among the coconuts as if they were clouds and sipped the local rum as if it was nectar. She took a shine to me instantly and in many ways made me her protégé. I stood out amongst all of her minions as a clear favourite. I had of course interpreted this as romantic so I bought her the most beautiful climbing roses I could find on the island and left it on her pillow with a note expressing my admiration and lust for her. Emily did not feel the same. I was crushed. It was as if she had swooped from the pedestal and stabbed me with fiery daggers.

I couldn’t recover. Of course, she was completely angelic about the whole thing and apologised incessantly for giving me the wrong impression. Oh Emily, why didn’t you let me hate you. She said it was the finest hybrid tea roses she had ever seen. Turns out she loves roses but had been unable to find them on the island. I showed her where I bought them from online and said I would happily pick some up for her.  I would gladly give her all the roses on the entire island for just one kiss. She politely and perfectly said she wouldn’t want to give me a kiss and exacerbate my feelings because she knows she will never feel the same. God the pain, the pain was tangible. She told me her heart belonged to someone else. Someone else that she is currently engaged to. She said it would be unfair of her to pretend that she had the space to love someone else because she knows that no amount of roses would change her feelings.

New Energy Drink

Would you believe me if I told you there was a great new energy drink on the market today? I know how crazy you people go for a new drink that will give you the energy you need to get through the day, so why not go with the best of the best: Solar Solutions. 

It might sound made up, but I can assure you that Solar Solutions is a very real, very good energy drink. My name is Todd Margey, the head spokesperson and marketing specialist for Commercial Solar Solutions. My expertise in this area of business means you can absolutely trust me when it comes to energy drinks. I’m telling you, Solar Solutions is the best. I can’t stop drinking the stuff. I’ve already had ten cans today, available at only $3 each. With $30 you could buy yourself a nice meal out on the town, or you could buy ten cans of Solar Solutions and have all the energy you need to do whatever you want.

Do you want to write a book? Do you want to run a marathon? Anything is possible after drinking Solar Solutions. Disclaimer: not everything is possible. If you want to pick up the moon and bowl it across the solar system, Solar Solutions won’t help you do that.

Addicted to your new favourite energy drink? Just stop by one of our stations for commercial energy monitoring near Melbourne, or any other city for that matter. They’ll run a quick test and recommend how many Solar Solutions you should be drinking (pro tip: it’s almost always more). 

Just trust me, you’re going to love this stuff. You’ll be hooked from the first sip. This stuff is so great that we just got a massive order from North Korea. They love Solar Solutions over there. The delivery address is their nuclear weapons program, so their top scientists must go crazy for this stuff.

Solar Advice

Okay, so you want to learn the basics of solar energy? You’ve come to the right place. As usual, we make absolutely no promises regarding the accuracy of these statements, so take it as you will. Having said that, our advice is definitely worth listening to as long as you are willing to forgo all legal right to blame us for any harm that comes upon you, including but not limited to broken bones, electrocution, burns, contraction of disease, loss of money and death.

So, you want to know about solar energy. If that’s the case, then we have the commercial solar solutions for you. We don’t sell them, of course, but we can tell you all about them. You see, the key to solar energy is knowing that the solution to every problem is going green and doing your part for the environment. That’s why we would encourage you to either buy a private or commercial solar system or alternatively you could make your own. If you do this, all of your dreams will come true. That’s right, all of them. Because when you do your part for the world, the world rewards you. I know a man who installed a solar system and the next day got his novel published. It was quite extraordinary.

Anyway, so now that you have your solar system, do you need to get commercial energy monitoring for the Melbourne area? The law says no, but we say yes. This is very important because through energy monitoring you can monitor an amount of energy. Makes sense, right? We definitely know what we’re talking about so you should probably blindly follow our advice (again, as long as you forgo all legal rights to the harm you might come across). We are not professional solar people, but we know the basics of all trades and skills.

This has been your crash course on solar energy. We hope you enjoyed it and learned a lot. Come back next week for a post on the basics of electrical wiring!

Making Rosebud a termite free zone

termite inspections RosebudIt was absolutely perfect. A gift from above. My name is Rose. My partner and I had planned to get married in Rosebud. The wedding has a rose theme with roses lining the aisle and even hanging from the chandeliers. Then just as it all seemed too good to be true, it was. A call from the venue and it all came crashing down. They had discovered a termite infestation. The ceiling was apparently completely infested with white ants and a report from a pest control company in Rosebud showed the damage was fairly extensive and needed immediate attention. I broke down. I tried arguing with the venue and saying let’s just pretend you didn’t have an inspection until after the wedding. Ignorance is bliss. They said they could not knowingly go ahead. My rosebud dreams were shattered. I just had to get married in Rosebud. I set my soon-to-be husband the task of finding us an alternative wedding location in the same area.  

He came up with two suggestions. One was way too small and the other was grossly overpriced. I wanted the perfect wedding but didn’t want to be bankrupt after it. So there was only one thing left to do. I got hold of the pest control experts in Rosebud and explained my story. I asked if they could do something to solve the problem before my wedding date. They were incredibly understanding and said they could get the termite treatment done to fit around the wedding date. I have never been so invested in termites before. I went to the venue multiple times to meet the pest control team and a week before the wedding they said it was looking extremely positive. A day later I got full confirmation the wedding could go ahead! I was so happy that everything worked out despite the setbacks. I was so overjoyed that I ended up inviting the entire pest control team to the wedding.

How to Prepare For Your Kids Party on Ice

childrens party venue MelbourneDeciding on kids birthday party venues is no minor undertaking, especially when it’s somewhere as new and exciting as an ice skating rink. With all the factors  to take into consideration, you could easily find your hands full and your hair falling out. Thankfully, things don’t have to be this way. With the right planning, your child’s birthday can be a safe and memorable experience for everyone involved. Here are four ways you can prepare for that  special day.

Dress warm

It’s no surprise that at an ice skating rink you’re going to find ice. Not only that but they’ve got the air-conditioners running to keep that ice from melting. The room is typically kept at about 16°C, which is rather chilly, even when you are zooming around on skates. Before the party, be sure to tell your guests to bring warm clothes like beanies, gloves and warm thick socks. Put a note on the invitations about clothing or have a word with parents when they RSVP.


Organise activities

Once your party guests get the hang of ice skating, they’re going to be whizzing around without any rhyme or reason. While this can be a lot of fun for the little ones, it can also get a bit chaotic, leading to accidents and anarchy. Structure your event with the addition of planned activities throughout the day. These can include obstacle courses, dance routines or even a bit of ice hockey. Activities will ensure your group of kids have fun and most of all stay safe and under the guidance of a supervisor. Ask your venue about ideas and props to use.


Get a party Planner

While you may like to organise the party yourself, there’s always the option of getting the venue to plan the party for you. Kids party venues are expert at organising events so they know exactly what to consider and when. They can prepare delicious healthy meals while taking those worrisome dietary requirements into consideration, and they can even give your guests an introductory lesson at the start of the day. Ice skating around Melbourne needn’t be a stressful experience – these professionals can see to a day that is fun and memorable for all.

The Limo Versus Walking Dilemma

I take excellent care of myself. Anyone with half a working cranium does, after all; if you don’t trim those nails, brush those teeth and do your stretched before strenuous activity, you’re heading for a fall, and you have only yourself to blame. I mean, that’s all very obvious, ha! I try to walk most places, and sometimes I’ll get off the bus or park my car far away, so that I get my maximum walking in.

If for some reason I ever became rich, I hope I’d continue that tradition, because we all have the same, human forms, and they need a bit of exercise, right? Of course, I would have Melbourne’s best limo hire services at my beck and call, every day, transporting me to where I go. A girl can dream, after all, and yet I’d still try to uphold my devotion to health and fitness. I’d tell my limo driver to politely pull over, somewhere nice and free from mud, and then get out. Hopefully the paparazzi would get a good shot of me walking to my destination, proving that I’m down-to-earth and relatable. Boom, instant positive publicity. Cardiovascular fitness AND a positive approval rating, in one easy move. See, it’s simple, playing the system. You just have to give it a bit of thought.

Anyway, it’s all fanciful thinking. I quite like the idea of a limo, because there’s room in the back for all sorts of activities. Origami, spreading out my books, even a little bit of calligraphy, provided I tell the driver to take things slow. Oh, the things you could get up to! Not that I’m planning on it. Being rich is a social construct anyway. Then again, it’s not like limo hire is rare or magical. Why, Melbourne companies offer wedding limo hire packages, so that could be my chance to test out the space. I just need a good man who’ll propose…